The 11/3 Project

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Mickey Rourke commercial

But first, an old gem from the Daily Show's "Even Stevphen".

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Even Stevphen - Death Tax
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This is the funniest commercial I've seen in a long time.

My Job

Yes, I have one!

I've been working at Panera Bread for the last six months, guys. It's fun, if you enjoy dealing with people. Rodents.
Lately, I've been "closing" the place almost every night and it's a taxing endeavor in the best of times. It's mind-numbing torture, mostly.
But this is not the point of this post. Nein! The point of this post is to allude to my true job, keeping you informed about what's truly important. Something I haven't been very good at doing consistently over the last months. Ah, school and work got in the way. What a terrible thing, yes? At least my excuse isn't, "I was too wasted to post last night! We partied so hard! Raaagh araahghghgh!!!"
Because I'm not like that. What? I'm not.

I will try to do better. But I've given up on promises. Still, with the amount of material I posted on here in '08, I've probably got a novellla going, at least. I would say, "Maybe I should write a short on Palin's rise and the resulting furthered destruction of the remainder of our collective humanity?" I'd consider it a waste of time, however. Palin isn't worth the sweat on my sweaty bum. Yeah, I've placed a value on bum sweat. Palin falls somewhere far below scrotum grease. But still above whatever collects on Karl Rove's scalp. My God, what a shiny orb! He must wax.

It's been a fun two years, running this thing. The Stone Thrower has fallen into decay, I'm afraid. All that means is that I'll have to pull out my defibrilator and jumpstart this puppy.
I'm all uber it.

Here's to another 10.

Rahm SNL Skit

This one is older, but I missed it before. Making up for lost time!

You Go, Conan

The Annual MENSA Invitational Contest

Forwarded by a friend. Thought I'd share it with you:

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the 2009 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n..): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent. 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n.. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Video Math Tutor

If you're like me (and I hope that you are more fortunate), you desperately need to improve your math-based abilities.

And so, I present to you a link my uncle found:

http://www.videomathtutor.com/index.html

This guy is good and provides tons of free resources and videos. I recommend you check him out. Couldn't hurt, right?
I've been making good use of it so far and I'm a blundering boob when it comes to arithmetic.

If anyone has any tips like this, leave a comment. I need them to not fail horribly on the Math sections of the SAT.

Even Stevphen

Two of my favorite genii!

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Self-Fulfilled

An original poem that hopefully doesn't suck.

A boy was born
Unto shining sunlight
In the realm of gleaming stars
His parents, though, forlorn,
And caught in fright,
Placed him, quickly, behind bars

For this boy, born foul and gray,
Was made of sin
And bound to sway
Toward wicked deeds
And sew dismay
Around, and in,
The realm of Pei

On occasion, folk would come to see him
The guards would shackle arm to rim
He always howled in the dark
An angry dog with an angry bark

His hair was of a golden hue
But his heart was black like rotten stew
By year three, he called his mother, “Shrew”
And his father was known as “Dirty Lou”

Covered to nail in white reeds,
He’d escaped his prison dank
He committed most atrocious deeds
To find father, whom he had to thank
For imprisonment had taught him enough
To discover whom to hate
So, he called forth his old father,
And his father took the bait

Years had passed like rain and dew
Trickling among the soy
The regal, afeared father knew
Not to meet his wicked boy
Unless he wished to die alone
Watching crows pick at his bone

He devised a crafty trap, a snare
Hoping to catch
His son like a wild bear
Tar and thatch
Were scattered here and there
Ready to be set alight, on a dare

Through storm and calm, the trappers waited
Swords sharpened, the trap was baited
But the boy dodged one and all
And, in the mist, he made to call
Ensued, there did, a mighty brawl
His thirst would soon be sated:
He hewed his dad from skull to ball
And screeched, at last elated

Julian Traas, Nov. 2009

Man vs Toddler

Very funny. The bitterness that is this life needs more moments like these.

Man Versus Toddler - Watch more Funny Videos

It has Officially Happened

http://kotaku.com/358237/mind-over-no-matter-hands+on-with-the-psychic-controller

I knew this day would come. It's an ominous indicator of our ever-approaching dystopian future.
How long before the controller.... controls us??!?!?!?

Shopping for a Cheap, Multi-Standard DVD Player

Came across this actual review for the Philips DVP 5990:

"Total lemon -- defective out of box"
by jabelar on September 7, 2008

Pros: Nothing -- didn't work enough to even try it

Cons: I got a total defective unit. It was able to start to play a movie, but then got stuck and then wouldn't open the drive tray. I tried two other commercially bought, scratch-free movies, and they wouldn't play at all -- just got stuck "loading".Summary: Just defective. Never even played one good disc long enough to try it out. Also, there was a huge spider in the box -- a real live hairy spider that came running out when I opened it. Hope it wasn't some exotic spider from China or something!"

http://reviews.cnet.com/dvd-players/philips-dvp5990-37/4864-6473_7-33004022-5.html?tag=contentBody;userReviews

I like the last bit in particular.

The New Creed

I'm very much looking forward to playing the new Assassin's Creed. There are some who say the setting, Italy in 1476, doesn't appeal to them as much as the Crusades time period.
I actually think it fits the type of game even better. The whole political intrigue thing. I, of course, really enjoyed the original AC and its storyline, but I think it will be surpassed.

And what about the nifty alterations they made to the costume? It's evolution, and rightly done. The suit still has the elements of Altair's version (the red cloth around the belt, the eagle-nosed hood) but has added frills and symbols (Italian pomp, I guess?). The symbol, if you noticed, of the clan of Assassins has become the belt buckle. Nice touch.

Which brings me to the character himself, Ezio. In this game, you follow Ezio's search for vengeance over the course of 27 years. Another touch I really like! It's kind of Count of Monte Cristo - but lots of people die all the time! :)
The developers say that vengeance, in the real world, doesn't happen overnight. I agree. I think the dragged out, life-long journey is well played here. Looking forward to it.

Check out the main website, it has some interesting stuff. Although, the load times are a bit grinding. Maybe Youtube is a better fit. Or gametrailers.

Anyway, I'll probably blather on more about this soon, but for now-

It Figures

So, I placed ad space on my blog in the hope of making a few odd cents to finance my ambitions (a romantic hope)...

And remember a while back when I spoke about Evony seemingly being a dubious and snaring trap? Well, now their advertisement is appearing on my blog.

Oh, how droll. How delightfully scrumptious.

5 Year Old Romanian Bodybuilder

Well, he has more muscle-mass than I do.

Transmorphers 2

Oh my God, this may just be the best trailer I've ever seen!!!!



I especially admire the helicopter tour stock footage they used so well. And the dialogue!

EDIT: Yes, this movie stars THE Bruce Boxleitner!

The Evony Trap

Apparently, there's some pretty insidious stuff going on with Evony (you know, that MMORTS whose ads include only great, heaving chests scantily clad in lingerie?). Especially now that there's something called iEvony coming out...

I'll let Ark's Ark explain:

http://www.arksark.org/blog/2009/07/05/evony-a-patchwork-of-stolen-parts/

One thing I didn't know was that Evony comes from China. Where they don't care too much about international copyright laws, I guess.
The effect of this: Evony's creators steal (or at least they did, up until very recently) all their avatars and in game graphics from games like Civilization and Age of Empires.

I'm a big fan of AoE. Not cool, guys.
If even half of this is true, I suggest staying away from Evony. There are plenty of free browser strategy games.

A Helpful Guide

I've only ever played a few MMORPGs, but in that time I've come across a lot of terminology I didn't understand. And it's difficult to have to keep asking the other players "Hey, what's that mean?" when you're in the middle of something.

So... a helpful guide to Online Gaming acronyms!

http://www.lagkills.com/gaming-acronyms.htm

Enjoy, lawl!

Truer Words Hath Not Been Spake

From Funny or Die (I'm sure you're all aware of them by now) - starring Will Ferrel among many others.

Here's the link in case the embedded code doesn't work (I'm having trouble with it):

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/041b5acaf5/protect-insurance-companies-psa?rel=player

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

A History of Hate

Dobbs has babbled about the 'Hispanic threat' and the lack of proof that Obama is really a Citizen of the United States. But there's so much more to him than that.

Why don't you take a look?

http://www.dropdobbs.com/a-history-of-hate/

For example, I didn't know he spread a rumor that Mexicans were bringing leprosy across the border:

On the April 14, 2005, edition of his show, Dobbs said, “The invasion of illegal aliens is threatening the health of many Americans.” He then introduced a report in which Romans said that “the woman in our piece [lawyer Madeline Cosman] told us that there were about 900 cases of leprosy for 40 years. There have been 7,000 in the past three years. Leprosy in this country.”

“Incredible,” Dobbs replied. However, the claim was wildly inflated. According to the National Hansen’s Disease Program of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, there were 398 U.S. cases of Hansen’s disease, or leprosy, reported between 2002 and 2004 — “the past three years” at the time Romans made her statement. Despite the fact that Romans’ original 2005 reporting on leprosy has been proven false, Dobbs has never admitted to the error on his show and indeed defended Romans’ reporting on numerous occasions.

For example, on the May 6, 2007, edition of 60 Minutes, Dobbs said of the leprosy claim, “If we reported it, it’s a fact.” Dobbs again defended his show’s leprosy reporting as recently as September 9, saying that in the original report, “we pointed out that there was leprosy rising in this country, and the reporter misstated — because the source on the story misstated — the number of years it had taken to do that. But the number — the cases — were 7,000. And we reported that.”