The 11/3 Project

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The 11/3 Project
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Mickey Rourke commercial

But first, an old gem from the Daily Show's "Even Stevphen".

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Even Stevphen - Death Tax
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This is the funniest commercial I've seen in a long time.

My Job

Yes, I have one!

I've been working at Panera Bread for the last six months, guys. It's fun, if you enjoy dealing with people. Rodents.
Lately, I've been "closing" the place almost every night and it's a taxing endeavor in the best of times. It's mind-numbing torture, mostly.
But this is not the point of this post. Nein! The point of this post is to allude to my true job, keeping you informed about what's truly important. Something I haven't been very good at doing consistently over the last months. Ah, school and work got in the way. What a terrible thing, yes? At least my excuse isn't, "I was too wasted to post last night! We partied so hard! Raaagh araahghghgh!!!"
Because I'm not like that. What? I'm not.

I will try to do better. But I've given up on promises. Still, with the amount of material I posted on here in '08, I've probably got a novellla going, at least. I would say, "Maybe I should write a short on Palin's rise and the resulting furthered destruction of the remainder of our collective humanity?" I'd consider it a waste of time, however. Palin isn't worth the sweat on my sweaty bum. Yeah, I've placed a value on bum sweat. Palin falls somewhere far below scrotum grease. But still above whatever collects on Karl Rove's scalp. My God, what a shiny orb! He must wax.

It's been a fun two years, running this thing. The Stone Thrower has fallen into decay, I'm afraid. All that means is that I'll have to pull out my defibrilator and jumpstart this puppy.
I'm all uber it.

Here's to another 10.

Rahm SNL Skit

This one is older, but I missed it before. Making up for lost time!

You Go, Conan

The Annual MENSA Invitational Contest

Forwarded by a friend. Thought I'd share it with you:

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the 2009 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n..): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent. 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n.. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Video Math Tutor

If you're like me (and I hope that you are more fortunate), you desperately need to improve your math-based abilities.

And so, I present to you a link my uncle found:

http://www.videomathtutor.com/index.html

This guy is good and provides tons of free resources and videos. I recommend you check him out. Couldn't hurt, right?
I've been making good use of it so far and I'm a blundering boob when it comes to arithmetic.

If anyone has any tips like this, leave a comment. I need them to not fail horribly on the Math sections of the SAT.

Even Stevphen

Two of my favorite genii!

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