Oh boy, oh boy!

My legs feel like they're about to buckle, and my left eye is threatening to pop out of my skull if its demands are not met.

Please, allow me to explain. Today I took my biweekly Tang Soo Do lesson (a traditional Korean Martial Art). This was by far the most impossible class in a long, proud line of impossible classes.
I'm a 3rd Gup, Red Belt. That's four belts from Black, or Midnight Blue as it's sometimes called. Something to do with Black being the color of death... Yeah.

Backstory: my teacher, Kim Tong Mun (he's a Grandmaster-- 9th Degree Black Belt!) is insanely tough. The guy is in far better shape than I am, and he's been teaching for years and years.

• Example: Grandmaster Kim pulls SUVs with his teeth. He puts some sort of harness-like contraption in his mouth, and pulls a semi out of a ditch! Need I say more? Yes? Okay!
• Example 2: he breaks rocks with his hands. *Chop*, and the rock explodes. Big ones too, not pebbles or anything.
• Example 3: he snaps a board, then nails it back together using his head as a hammer.

I know this all sounds completely made up, but I swear on my talent as a writer (what little there is, hardy-har) that I'm not lying.

Back to me, if you would. So, I'm in the middle of the class with my brother and I'm exhausted to the point of either barfing, toppling to the floor, or imploding like a neutron star.

There have been other classes though; I've been kicked, bruised, bashed, stomped, hair-pulled, neck-twisted, groin-poked... and once I dislocated my right knee. (Although, I had done that about 3 times when I was younger-- so the joint had already been weakened).

But, by all means, don't let this discourage you from taking such a class! Honestly, you'll be in the best damn shape of your life. And to re-locate your knee, you just have to straighten your leg. No prob. Don't need no doctah, son!
Besides, most of those injuries were my own fault. See, I'm clumsy (born with two left feet, as it were) but resilient enough. I get whacked about like a straw-dummy, but I don't take much long-term damage.

Don't mess with me! I'll... dislocate my knee at you! I will-- don't try me.